


Bless Me Dark Father, I Have Sinned

by AddisonAddek



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: 19th Century, Ancestors, British Army, Dark, Dark Addison, Dark Romance, Descendants - Freeform, F/M, Gen, Ireland, New World, Past Lives, Prostitution, Rape (mentioned), Redcoat Derek, Romance, Satan’s mistress, Sex Addiction, Short Story, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:00:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25764808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AddisonAddek/pseuds/AddisonAddek
Summary: Even in 19th Century Ireland, Addison Montgomery and Derek Shepherd were meant for each other. . . .
Relationships: Addison Montgomery/Derek Shepherd
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Bless Me Dark Father, I Have Sinned

**Author's Note:**

> Imagine Addison with an Irish accent and Derek British.

**Bless Me Dark Father, I Have Sinned**

* * *

_1831_

At the tender age of thirteen, Addison gives her virginity to the man who oversees her father's fields and cries rape when the housekeeper catches her washing blood and seed from her petticoat.

He is tried and hanged.

_.._

_1832_

A year later, she dabbles in witchcraft — the Devil’s Magic — with her friends and as their leader, she stirs up a hornet's nest of accusations and deaths threats in the witch trials, while remaining a victim in the eyes of the townsfolk.

_“I know naught. I am but an innocent dupe, used for their dark purpose.”_

Her friends are burned as a witches while she is stripped from the waist up and whipped for her naivety of befriending the wicked people until she cries out for her father.

_.._

_1833  
_At fifteen, she marries an obscenely wealthy, lifelong bachelor who is twenty-five years her senior. He is highly regarded by neighbours and peers in their village, and an utter bore.

Despite being in stellar health, he dies suddenly of a heart attack, leaving her widowed after only a few years of marriage and richer than she could ever dream of.

Being a foolish, arrogant little girl, she fires everyone who stands between her and the freedom to spend her inheritance as she wishes, rapidly squandering every dime. She skips out on her debts in the middle of the night and flees to the city, Dublin, with everything she can, changing her name so she isn't easily found.

Slowly, she is forced to sell off her valuables to fund her wild, extravagant lifestyle, but as she's reaching the last few baubles, she begins to seriously contemplate her next move.

_Another marriage?_

Not likely, once was quite enough. It is her predilections for alcohol and other _"unwomanly"_ substances that leads her to her next addiction — sex.

Through a friend of a friend, she meets the man who supplies the _"party favours"_ to the crowd she is running with. He is immediately taken with her breeding and substantial charms, and they begin a sexual affair. She trades sex for vices and learns that a man is capable of giving a woman physical pleasure.

_.._

_1838  
_At twenty, she's grown _"too old"_ for him and he ditches her, throwing her out of his estate in the middle of the night and leaving her with nothing but her vast wardrobe and a out of control hunger for sex and opiates.

She makes attempts to seduce a number of wealthy older men with the intent of becoming their mistress, but her appetites are more than these men are willing to risk. In the end, she turns to a friend, who is also a Madame that caters to an upscale clientele, as this has become her only avenue of income. She works on her back for eight years before _he_ enters her boudoir and changes everything.

_.._

_1846_

She lays back, giggling, high on laudanum and whiskey shots. Ireland has yet again fallen into another mass starvation, disease of the hunger, the Great Famine. She has seen it with her own very eyes, men and women and children alike scavenging for food in streets, in rubbish, begging for mercy. She has none to give. She too has fallen so far from grace, resorting to things she's never dreamed of in order to survive. But she has to admit, in her heart of hearts, she rather enjoys it. She has never been the wholesome girl next door, and even as a child, she had darker desires. Coming from a family with means, she has always had nothing but time on her hands and a hunger to fill it with something that quickens her blood.

Though now, in such hard times, she thinks of her parents and her elder brother and their crops in the farm — how foolish she had been.

_Has the farm any harvest? Has her family eaten? Are they even alive?_

She wishes to return to Ulster, to her town and farm, to her life before she was taken by the Devil, himself and made mistress.

The man who crawls between her splayed legs rucks her long, heavy skirt up as he advances, exposing her bare sex to his hungry gaze. Raising a hand to touch his face, she is distracted by its progression, like an infant who has just discovered they not only possess, but control them.

The _Redcoat_ between her thighs is everything a girl could dream of, handsome and charming. His discriminating tastes not withstanding, he is a card shark, a crack shot, and most recently, her lover, not just another a _John_.

He doesn't care what she did before he met her, he understands survival better than anyone could possibly imagine, but he does care now. It is for that very reason he supplied her the laudanum this night because while she has a taste for the drug's euphoric properties, it will also make it easier when the time comes. She can be quite a hellcat when she's agitated and that's just the sort of attention he would like to avoid.

While he is feared, Derek Shepherd, a Captain of Her Majesty's Seventh Dragoon, he is also hated, a British, and there are people who would relish an opportunity to eliminate him amidst his distraction with keeping her under control. She will never come willingly, breaching her contract with her Madame. She has her own code, one which puzzles him, but he doesn't question it anymore because it makes her cross.

Shutting off his thoughts, he enters her, relishing her soft sigh and the silky warmth that welcomes him with a firm squeeze after he's reached maximum depth. They begin to move together, reveling in the sensations, in each other. He takes his time with her, has since the very first time, because he has always wanted to be more to her than just another fuck for a buck. She responds to him as a woman, not as a prostitute, her fingertips pressed hard into the skin of his back, her legs locking around his waist as he slowly sinks into her again and again.

He pushes her over the edge once and follows a heartbeat after her second climax. She urges him with both hands to rest against her, his harsh breaths in her ear soothing as their bodies cool from their exertions. She loves him, she wants desperately to tell him so, but he has never made such an admission to her. She fears being the first one to say it, especially as she means it for the first time ever. She doesn't want him to think she is weak, emotional, the typical woman who confuses lust for love.

"Dearest?"

"Mmm, yes?"

"You are quiet tonight."

"Merely thinking."

"About?"

Pausing, "What this means." she says finally.

"This?"

"Yes. Us. Here. This moment."

"I know what this has always meant to me," he pushes himself up on powerful arms, looking down at her flushed face earnestly.

"And what is that?"

"I wish to run away with you, to leave Dublin and make a life together, start over."

"What is your plan for us? Where will we go?"

"I was thinking West. With the Great Hunger, people are beginning to move that way. I hear they call the land the New World. Unless you honestly wish to stay here and do what you do till disease or violence takes you from this world."

"No, of course not. But it has been so long since I lived a normal life. I'm not sure I remember how," she confesses softly, gentle fingers traces his collarbone.

"Then, we can remember together. We don't have to lead the social scene, my dear, but maybe someday we could rejoin it together."

"Give the illusion of respectability?"

"Something like that, yes."

"And what makes you think I'd be interested in that sort of life? I fled that very thing when I was eighteen years old."

"And now you are two years short of thirty. You're still beautiful, but how long do you think that will last? How much longer till the fast living catches up with you and the years begin to show? Do you know what you'll do then? Do you think Cliodhna will let you stick around for free? Do you think she'll take care of you? Thousands of people are dying in the streets of hunger, Addison. It will only be time before Cliodhna throws you to the streets too, and what will you do then?"

"I do not know," she says, closing her eyes. "And no, I haven't given it any thought. I don't like to think about the future. It is too uncertain."

"Even now, with what I have offered you?"

"What assurances are you giving that this is a legitimate partnership? That you will not abandon me if some pretty young farmer's daughter catches your fancy?"

"You are the only farmer's daughter who has caught my fancy, dearest."

She smirks, the high fading as sleepiness sets in. She brackets his face with her hands and leans up, kissing him softly. Her eyes close and she whispers, "I will go with you, my love, to the New World."

He grins proudly, pleased to have won her cooperation without having to abduct her. It would make stealing away tonight much easier if she did awaken.

Oh, he jest. He would not. 

She has agreed to the arrangement, and if nothing else, she is a woman of her word. He's known all along her contract with Cliodhna has expired, she has fulfilled her obligations to her friend and now simply uses the accommodations the house provides to continue her business with protection from the law, while paying a moderate rent, given her _“talents”_.

He dresses her as quickly as he can in the most modest dress in her wardrobe, while Cliodhna assists him by packing her belongings.

She is sorry to see her best girl go, but she can appreciate the offer that is being made to her and would never begrudge anyone an opportunity to leave this kind of life behind. She calls one of the male servants to move their trunks to the awaiting carriage outside, and gives each of them a kiss to their cheek, wishing them well.

By the time she awakens, it is mid-morning and she is hungover. She moans softly and cracks her eyes open, surprised to see him sitting across from her, smiling. The movement of the carriage makes her gorge rise and she barely gets her head out of the window to lose the contents of her stomach on the dirt road.

"What the devil? Where are we going?"

His grin widens at the venom in her tone, which belies the weakened state she is in. "We are heading to the pier to catch a ship to the New World, dearest, just as you agreed to last night."

"How long have you known I'm no longer under contract?"

"Quite some time. There is no sense in denying you were afraid because I know that too. I'm not going to hold it against you, my love."

"I never said I was afraid. I'm not afraid of anything."

He gives her a knowing look. "Are you sure that's the answer you want to go with?"

"Fine, I was afraid. I'm still afraid. Are you happy now?"

"What do you fear? Me?”

"No. I do not fear you. I fear the kind of life I led, the lies I told — I fear that they would catch up with me. I have made many mistakes, Derek. I am but a good person. Though I have heard the rumours about the things you have done to people, whom have crossed you. Tell me, is it true you finger painted the word _'chicken'_ on a man's bare chest with his own blood after you slit him stem to stern?"

"Guilty as charged. All part of duties, my dear. Though the tale was fabricated, I merely stabbed the man. And only because of what he dared to say about you. He ran home for a Flintlock and was going to shoot me in the back."

"Jesus."

"It was Cliodhna who warned me of his intentions. He was rather surprised to find me outside on the street waiting for him."

"I have no doubt of that."

"It is those youthful indiscretions I wish to leave behind me, dearest." he say earnestly.

"Can you be sure?"

“Can _you_ be sure?” he counters.

“I asked you first.”

"No, I cannot be, but I want to try. I want to be worthy of you."

"Worthy of me," she snorts, shaking her head. "I've spent the last ten years working on my back, how can you possibly think yourself unworthy?"

"Because I know there is more to you than your profession and discretions. We are alike in mind and heart. I've searched so long for someone like you, who sees me as I am, and still wants me."

She is taken aback by his naked honesty. This is the very thing she's wondered about, hoped for, and now the ball is in her court. It's time to put up or shut up. It does not take long for her to make her decision again.

"I have waited my entire life for someone like you. I cannot tell you how comforting it is to have evidence that there is someone like myself in the world. That we may be together without killing each other."

"You say that now."

She laughs and gingerly crosses the small distance to sit beside him. Taking his hand, she clasps it between hers and brings it to her chest, her eyes trained on his. "I will protect you to the very best of my ability, I will honour and respect you, I will remain faithful to you for all the days of my life, if you promise to do the same."

"I will," he responds solemnly, looking deeply into her eyes.

"So, will our marriage be a real one or just a facade?"

He winks and reaches into his pocket, producing two simple gold bands, one larger than the other. "It will be real, but I would prefer it if we are married in the next town and no longer living in sin. It will certainly make life easier for us for the rest of our journey."

"I accept. And not because of mutual need for protection, but because I do love you."

"And I you, since the day I laid eyes on you."

Addison gives him a real smile and leans against him, resting her head on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around her, holding her close, placing a soft kiss on her temple.

* * *

_**Thank you for reading!** _


End file.
